It's strange. I was just prepared to do something that I very well might not have walked away from... But now I've suddenly been pulled into some place entirely different as though the entire game has been reset. So much has happened that I almost don't know what to do.
I miss you so much I can't stand it, even though I know that must seem rather selfish of me. You don't belong in a place like this.
With everything that's gone on, maybe writing down my thoughts will help me a little bit, and perhaps writing to you will help soothe my own heartache.
The Maeve are a group of powerful people. The more I hear about them, the more I can't help but dislike them. People's lives aren't toys to be played with, yet you can tell they don't seem to care. It's frustrating, but I know I just have to be patient before anything can be done. I wish I knew more about their power. That could change everything back home, couldn't it?
At least I'm not alone here. There's so much of my family who've been in this place at least a good few months longer than I have. While I'd rather none of us be here at all, it's better for us to work together. I've spoken with both Gokudera and Dino, who've explained we could very well all be from different parallel universes. It seems there's been some difficulties while I've not been here...
As of the time I'm writing this, the people here from our own family are Gokudera, Yamamoto, and Mukuro. Dino is here as well, on his own. There's also members of the Varia here, with Xanxus and of course Squalo.
Hibari is here as well.... Yet I'm worried. Be thankful that you didn't see the face he made when we first ran into one another, Kyoko. I hope I never see him making that kind of look again... It was too full of pain. Dino's told me that I can't let myself get caught up on if I failed him, and instead can only look to the present. It's good advice; I'm glad I was able to meet him thanks to Reborn all those years ago. Whatever has happened to Hibari, I can only deal with it as it is.
However... I will only be able to do this as a friend, now, instead of his "sky". He's joined the Varia in the time he's been here. However Xanxus and I may not agree on a lot of things, I know this isn't something he would have let happen without careful though and I think better of Hibari than to believe he would do something like this recklessly. This isn't a fight, after all. Yet I feel a kind of loss... It's different from him not being around, like Ryohei, Lambo, and Chrome are. I can't believe I didn't realize how vital he'd become to my life until this moment... I suppose I took him for granted that way.
All I can do right now is wish him well, and hope he and Xanxus get on.
As if to add on worries, there's a younger version of Gokudera and me here! I thought two versions of the same person couldn't exist at the same time.... Aaaaah I can't understand any of it still! I guess I don't have to understand that sort of thing. I can understand well enough that those versions of us don't belong here at all! They're the Gokudera and Tsunayoshi of ten years ago! To get involved in this sort of horrible thing at that age...
I want to protect both of them so badly! (How will this affect me!?) Yet from what I've heard of the Maeves' reputation, it doesn't seem like things will be that easy. Besides, if Gokudera's like how I remember, he probably wouldn't want to trouble me with that sort of thing... Perhaps Gokudera (the adult) will have a better idea of what to do. But what about my younger self? Ah, what am I going to do, Kyoko?
I suppose, at the end of the day, the best I can do is do my best and keep them together as the Vongola (plus Dino). Dino has offered to help me whenever I need it, which I'm grateful for. The big brothers I have are truly some of my most precious people.
It's getting late now. Even stranger things have happened today (I'm sorry but people I never met before kissed me on the mouth! It seems things like this can happen unexpectedly due to the Maeve) but I can write more about them later, especially the strange items I found in Easter eggs that were set about the grounds. I have a feeling my stay here is only going to get stranger....
I'll think of you as I go to sleep, Kyoko, and I think I'll be really lucky if I can see you in just my dreams tonight.
Xanxus is horrible! Or at least his sense of humor certainly is. I can't believe him sometimes. Did you know what he did today?
I went to go and talk to him since he's been avoiding me ever since I got here, but he just went right back in his room and slammed the door in my face! I had to go get my younger self, since he still has the Vongola Ring, and open all my Boxes to lure him out... But then he kidnapped my cats and my younger self!
I do feel a little bad since I didn't tell my younger self who exactly we were going to see.... But if he knew it was Xanxus, he never would have agreed. It's important anyway for him to get involved in these sort of things. I mean, he already is whether he likes it or not, so it's best if he's prepared for it all. Besides, I thought that since Xanxus has matured so much since the Ring Battles so many years ago, they could deal with one another better. But then Xanxus wrapped his arms around him and started to make bad jokes about how if anything happened, it would be my responsibility... I had to get a little serious to make him listen!
(Rikuto helped dispel the tension, too. He's so helpful like that! Yuki just made fun of me like always, however.)
I know that Xanxus is just unhappy because I'm here... From what I've heard talking to Gokudera, it sounds like he's been leading everyone in my absence and I know how he feels about the Vongola. I feel a little bit bad...
That's probably the most likely reason why he slammed the door in my face, but Kyoko! You should have seen how he looked today! He was so put together, with his shirt buttoned up and in nice shoes and everything. It was actually really attractive. Maybe it's because he doesn't dress up like that often...???
Hey, Kyoko. Gokudera gave me the advice to find someone who I trust and feel comfortable with, since I'm stuck here. Yet all the people I trust and feel comfortable with are Gokudera, Yamamoto, Dino, Hibari, and Xanxus and Squalo. They're all men, so I probably shouldn't feel attracted, right?
But, that first night, I was told that gender shouldn't really matter when it comes to sex and things like that. That doesn't sound false, and I know there are plenty of people who like other genders.
If this is something I can't avoid, is this something I should explore? I wonder...
I guess I'm thinking of this now because I'm remembering how Xanxus looked. He's always been handsome, hasn't he? (With the only thing ruining that being some parts of his personality!) Not him, but everyone else, too. This isn't a new thing. I've always known that I'm surrounded by a lot of attractive people. Gokudera and Yamamoto have been popular since middle school! It's impossible to be unaware of. I thought everyone always sort of new and didn't think anything of it, but I wonder if there's more to it...?
It was Yamamoto's earlier in the month, too. Aaaah, I got here at both a really great time and a really bad time! I wish I'd had more days to prepare proper birthday gifts for both of them. Everything feels too rushed. They're two of my most important people, so I hate having to give them rushed gifts.
Still! It's been a fun day so far. I went go to find my younger self so that we could do something for Hibari together. We tried our hand at making food, since that's really the only thing we could do on such short notice. They were little apple balls put into strawberries, with faces made from chocolate and candy. I think he liked them! And I think my younger self and I have made up over the Xanxus incident. Hopefully, anyway.
Your birthday is in March, isn't it, Kyoko? It'd be nice if somehow we could fix things, and I could be there to celebrate it with you properly...
I'll have to remember everyone else's birthdays here too! I'll make a list, so that I don't forget.
Mukuro - June 9th Gokudera - September 9th Xanxus - October 10th Dino - February 4th Squalo - March 13th
Should I do something for my younger self, too? October 14th is my own birthday, so it's his too... That wouldn't be narcissistic to give a gift for him or something, would it? I wonder if we should all celebrate together with Xanxus since our birthdays are so close together... Hm! Maybe I'll just make sure Xanxus and I have some time together to celebrate.
I'm just glad we can all be here together to celebrate these things so that we're not alone.
Ti amo, Kyoko! Hope you dream well, wherever you are,
[Wet splotches are splattered over the page here and there.]
Kyoko
I am so glad that you are not here.
They're cruel, Kyoko. Painfully and horribly cruel. They only see us as animals, as merchandise, and they treat everyone here however they like without acknowledging their humanity. There was this girl
but I shouldn't talk to you about that. It was too cruel, Kyoko. They didn't need to go that far.
I can't stand doing nothing. It hurts to stay my hand. Yet we still don't have nearly enough of anything to be able to do something.
This hurts, Kyoko. I feel like a child again. I hate it.
La mia anima é umida se no c'é il tuo sole ad asciugarla.
I hope you never come here, and never have to deal with this,
"I think I was under the influence of something, but I heard the two of you having sex and instead of leaving I stayed and may have touched myself listening to you but it's really hard because Kyoya is SO LOUD and Xanxus is SO VIOLENT but it's really attractive and now I can't stop thinking about it"
how do I mention that to either of them??
should I??? would it be better NOT to?? But I feel guilty about it and I don't want to be some pervert!!!
Aiuto...
Trying to figure things out that were never a problem in Italy,
I don't think Kyoya knows how loud he can really get.
That's skipping ahead, sorry. So after I wrote to you yesterday, Kyoya came to see me. I was terrified becase I thought he was going to confront me about eavesdropping somehow, and I'd lose him as a friend! You know how precious he is to me. It turned out, however, that he just wanted to offer to try and help stop that strange effect that was going on around the wing. It accidentally made it worse, and...
I'll speak plainly: we had sex because of that. (I may have been pretty pushy.)
I didn't know how I was going to talk to him, but then he came to speak to me today first! (It really seems like he's growing up while here! Ryohei would be so proud.) We laid everything on the table (or at least I did) and... I think we're still friends. In fact, I think we might even do that sort of thing more in the future...
I don't like being unfaithful to you, Kyoko. You're still my fiancee, the woman I love and cherish above all else in the world. I hope you understand. Gokudera said to find people we trust and are comfortable with here. Maybe some might find it unlikely, but Kyoya is definitely that kind of person I can entrust myself with. You know how he is too, don't you?
Hopefully this turns out well. If we have to do this sort of thing, then I want him to take pleasure from it. It's the least I could do.
My hand is shaking as I write this to you, but don't worry. It's not for anything bad. I probably should consider it so yet I can't.
Reborn is here.
I could almost cry, frankly, I'm so relieved. He's an adult, now, and I'm sure there's a story for how the curse was settled, but it's none of my business. He's here now and he's fine and he's just the same as ever. I couldn't help it, I burst out crying all over his jacket when I saw him. I remember seeing a picture of him when we were going through Shamal's things, but it's really something else entirely to see him in the flesh. He's healthy and well, just as much as a sharp shot as always.
Having him here makes me feel so much more confident. It wasn't as though I was unconfident before. Just...
It's so hard to explain. I'm sure you understand, however.
He told me I succeeded. He told me it all turned out alright. It carries so much more weight when he told me that.
On another note, the ten years younger Kyoya is here now too! I ran into him the other day. He's exactly how he always is, Kyoko, but I managed to inform him of a few things before we got distracted with a fight. I sort of encouraged it, however. Fighting with Kyoya is so nice, different from fighting anyone else. It felt very nostalgic.
There's also Haru! It seems she's also from the time changed by my actions, and she decided to go into the black market for us back home! I'm really worried... You know I never wanted to drag the two of you further into this world than you already were just by knowing me. But I can imagine what you would say to me... "You can't control someone else's choices, so let Haru do what she's decided on and have faith in her", or something, right? So that's what I'll do. When we get our foot properly set into this city, I'm sure that her experience will be invaluable. She's obviously more than capable of protecting herself, but still... Her, and everyone else- I'll protect them all as if I were dying.
The reactions were mixed. The younger Gokudera protested, of course, and I could tell my own younger self wasn't happy. I don't think Dino knew how to take it, either. Haru's feelings were a bit harder to gauge... As for Reborn, he seemed to be withholding judgment which just makes me worried for Xanxus frankly, ha ha. Gokudera (the older!) was happy however. I think he's been patiently waiting for a proper announcement instead of me confiding in him.
Things seemed to lighten up a bit more at the jazz club we went to. I'm sure you would have loved it, Kyoko. It was such a fun place to be at, and I got to learn how to swing dance! Xanxus taught me, and then I practiced more with Haru and Gokudera. It'd be nice if, one day, we could all go dancing together, you and me and everyone else.
There's still a lot I'm worried about, more in regards to the others... But I've made my decision. Xanxus and I will prove this isn't a bad thing. For everything else... I'll do my best to talk with everyone.
Apparently some things never change. I received a strange letter today... It really reminds me too much of being back home.
This is so ridiculous. My name doesn't even have any real weight here and I'm still getting weird creepy things?
Ugh.
Xanxus complained about getting one as well, and we compared them. The stationary used for mine is actually really nice. We'd like to find out where to get it, if possible.
I feel conflicted. Talking to you has always helped make things clearer, so hopefully that holds true now.
This time, I had sex with Gokudera.
It wasn't really something under his control. He's been trying to take on his younger self's debt from Rachel, and she had him go tend to her rosebushes. That's what he's been doing for the past few days. However... it seems that something about it acts as an aphrodisiac. He's been trying to keep it a secret from me, but last night I waited for him at his room and he came over there obviously affected.
I didn't want to just leave him on his own to have to deal with that with no help... So...
My feelings are so mixed right now, Kyoko. In the beginning, when he had first told me to find someone I trusted and was comfortable with to have sex with, my first thought of course had been of with him. He's so important to me, he's done so much and will continue to do so, isn't he the obvious choice? I hadn't wanted to burden him with it.
(I told him all of this, too.)
I'm not happy that this happened because of the Maeve's witchcraft, I wish we could have had it happen in some other way, but... On some level, I think I enjoyed it. He was so sweet, Kyoko, even overtaken like that as he was. You could see him fighting it every step of the way until I pushed, and even then... He could have overtaken me, or demanded more, but the first thing he seemed to do was just kiss me. I was straddling him, forcing his hands to stay in place, and he still just wanted to kiss me when I asked.
...Also I really liked hearing him beg and having him tied up to the headboard.
For all that's happening, I guess at least I'm learning a lot about myself....
Mi mancano i tuoi occhi, luce mia.
Doing well,
Tsuna
P.S. Also I got another strange letter today. I left a reply, but I remain unsure if I'll get a response from someone like that.
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Journal
4/20
It's strange. I was just prepared to do something that I very well might not have walked away from... But now I've suddenly been pulled into some place entirely different as though the entire game has been reset. So much has happened that I almost don't know what to do.
I miss you so much I can't stand it, even though I know that must seem rather selfish of me. You don't belong in a place like this.
With everything that's gone on, maybe writing down my thoughts will help me a little bit, and perhaps writing to you will help soothe my own heartache.
The Maeve are a group of powerful people. The more I hear about them, the more I can't help but dislike them. People's lives aren't toys to be played with, yet you can tell they don't seem to care. It's frustrating, but I know I just have to be patient before anything can be done. I wish I knew more about their power. That could change everything back home, couldn't it?
At least I'm not alone here. There's so much of my family who've been in this place at least a good few months longer than I have. While I'd rather none of us be here at all, it's better for us to work together. I've spoken with both Gokudera and Dino, who've explained we could very well all be from different parallel universes. It seems there's been some difficulties while I've not been here...
As of the time I'm writing this, the people here from our own family are Gokudera, Yamamoto, and Mukuro. Dino is here as well, on his own. There's also members of the Varia here, with Xanxus and of course Squalo.
Hibari is here as well.... Yet I'm worried. Be thankful that you didn't see the face he made when we first ran into one another, Kyoko. I hope I never see him making that kind of look again... It was too full of pain. Dino's told me that I can't let myself get caught up on if I failed him, and instead can only look to the present. It's good advice; I'm glad I was able to meet him thanks to Reborn all those years ago. Whatever has happened to Hibari, I can only deal with it as it is.
However... I will only be able to do this as a friend, now, instead of his "sky". He's joined the Varia in the time he's been here. However Xanxus and I may not agree on a lot of things, I know this isn't something he would have let happen without careful though and I think better of Hibari than to believe he would do something like this recklessly. This isn't a fight, after all. Yet I feel a kind of loss... It's different from him not being around, like Ryohei, Lambo, and Chrome are. I can't believe I didn't realize how vital he'd become to my life until this moment... I suppose I took him for granted that way.
All I can do right now is wish him well, and hope he and Xanxus get on.
As if to add on worries, there's a younger version of Gokudera and me here! I thought two versions of the same person couldn't exist at the same time.... Aaaaah I can't understand any of it still! I guess I don't have to understand that sort of thing. I can understand well enough that those versions of us don't belong here at all! They're the Gokudera and Tsunayoshi of ten years ago! To get involved in this sort of horrible thing at that age...
I want to protect both of them so badly! (How will this affect me!?) Yet from what I've heard of the Maeves' reputation, it doesn't seem like things will be that easy. Besides, if Gokudera's like how I remember, he probably wouldn't want to trouble me with that sort of thing... Perhaps Gokudera (the adult) will have a better idea of what to do. But what about my younger self? Ah, what am I going to do, Kyoko?
I suppose, at the end of the day, the best I can do is do my best and keep them together as the Vongola (plus Dino). Dino has offered to help me whenever I need it, which I'm grateful for. The big brothers I have are truly some of my most precious people.
It's getting late now. Even stranger things have happened today (I'm sorry but people I never met before kissed me on the mouth! It seems things like this can happen unexpectedly due to the Maeve) but I can write more about them later, especially the strange items I found in Easter eggs that were set about the grounds. I have a feeling my stay here is only going to get stranger....
I'll think of you as I go to sleep, Kyoko, and I think I'll be really lucky if I can see you in just my dreams tonight.
Ti amero' per tutta la mia vita.
Sincerely with all the love I can give,
Tsuna
4/25
Xanxus is horrible! Or at least his sense of humor certainly is. I can't believe him sometimes. Did you know what he did today?
I went to go and talk to him since he's been avoiding me ever since I got here, but he just went right back in his room and slammed the door in my face! I had to go get my younger self, since he still has the Vongola Ring, and open all my Boxes to lure him out... But then he kidnapped my cats and my younger self!
I do feel a little bad since I didn't tell my younger self who exactly we were going to see.... But if he knew it was Xanxus, he never would have agreed. It's important anyway for him to get involved in these sort of things. I mean, he already is whether he likes it or not, so it's best if he's prepared for it all. Besides, I thought that since Xanxus has matured so much since the Ring Battles so many years ago, they could deal with one another better. But then Xanxus wrapped his arms around him and started to make bad jokes about how if anything happened, it would be my responsibility... I had to get a little serious to make him listen!
(Rikuto helped dispel the tension, too. He's so helpful like that! Yuki just made fun of me like always, however.)
I know that Xanxus is just unhappy because I'm here... From what I've heard talking to Gokudera, it sounds like he's been leading everyone in my absence and I know how he feels about the Vongola. I feel a little bit bad...
That's probably the most likely reason why he slammed the door in my face, but Kyoko! You should have seen how he looked today! He was so put together, with his shirt buttoned up and in nice shoes and everything. It was actually really attractive. Maybe it's because he doesn't dress up like that often...???
Hey, Kyoko. Gokudera gave me the advice to find someone who I trust and feel comfortable with, since I'm stuck here. Yet all the people I trust and feel comfortable with are Gokudera, Yamamoto, Dino, Hibari, and Xanxus and Squalo. They're all men, so I probably shouldn't feel attracted, right?
But, that first night, I was told that gender shouldn't really matter when it comes to sex and things like that. That doesn't sound false, and I know there are plenty of people who like other genders.
If this is something I can't avoid, is this something I should explore? I wonder...
I guess I'm thinking of this now because I'm remembering how Xanxus looked. He's always been handsome, hasn't he? (With the only thing ruining that being some parts of his personality!) Not him, but everyone else, too. This isn't a new thing. I've always known that I'm surrounded by a lot of attractive people. Gokudera and Yamamoto have been popular since middle school! It's impossible to be unaware of. I thought everyone always sort of new and didn't think anything of it, but I wonder if there's more to it...?
I'll have to do a lot of thinking.
Mi manchi. Ti penso ogni giorno.
Loving you until forever,
Tsuna
5/5
Today it's Hibari's birthday!
It was Yamamoto's earlier in the month, too. Aaaah, I got here at both a really great time and a really bad time! I wish I'd had more days to prepare proper birthday gifts for both of them. Everything feels too rushed. They're two of my most important people, so I hate having to give them rushed gifts.
Still! It's been a fun day so far. I went go to find my younger self so that we could do something for Hibari together. We tried our hand at making food, since that's really the only thing we could do on such short notice. They were little apple balls put into strawberries, with faces made from chocolate and candy. I think he liked them! And I think my younger self and I have made up over the Xanxus incident. Hopefully, anyway.
Your birthday is in March, isn't it, Kyoko? It'd be nice if somehow we could fix things, and I could be there to celebrate it with you properly...
I'll have to remember everyone else's birthdays here too! I'll make a list, so that I don't forget.
Mukuro - June 9th
Gokudera - September 9th
Xanxus - October 10th
Dino - February 4th
Squalo - March 13th
Should I do something for my younger self, too? October 14th is my own birthday, so it's his too... That wouldn't be narcissistic to give a gift for him or something, would it? I wonder if we should all celebrate together with Xanxus since our birthdays are so close together... Hm! Maybe I'll just make sure Xanxus and I have some time together to celebrate.
I'm just glad we can all be here together to celebrate these things so that we're not alone.
Ti amo, Kyoko! Hope you dream well, wherever you are,
Tsuna
5/6
Kyoko
I am so glad that you are not here.
They're cruel, Kyoko. Painfully and horribly cruel. They only see us as animals, as merchandise, and they treat everyone here however they like without acknowledging their humanity. There was this girl
but I shouldn't talk to you about that. It was too cruel, Kyoko. They didn't need to go that far.
I can't stand doing nothing. It hurts to stay my hand. Yet we still don't have nearly enough of anything to be able to do something.
This hurts, Kyoko. I feel like a child again. I hate it.
La mia anima é umida se no c'é il tuo sole ad asciugarla.
I hope you never come here, and never have to deal with this,
Tsuna
5/10
There's no good way to bring up
"I think I was under the influence of something, but I heard the two of you having sex and instead of leaving I stayed and may have touched myself listening to you but it's really hard because Kyoya is SO LOUD and Xanxus is SO VIOLENT but it's really attractive and now I can't stop thinking about it"
how do I mention that to either of them??
should I??? would it be better NOT to?? But I feel guilty about it and I don't want to be some pervert!!!
Aiuto...
Trying to figure things out that were never a problem in Italy,
Tsuna
5/11
I don't think Kyoya knows how loud he can really get.
That's skipping ahead, sorry. So after I wrote to you yesterday, Kyoya came to see me. I was terrified becase I thought he was going to confront me about eavesdropping somehow, and I'd lose him as a friend! You know how precious he is to me. It turned out, however, that he just wanted to offer to try and help stop that strange effect that was going on around the wing. It accidentally made it worse, and...
I'll speak plainly: we had sex because of that. (I may have been pretty pushy.)
I didn't know how I was going to talk to him, but then he came to speak to me today first! (It really seems like he's growing up while here! Ryohei would be so proud.) We laid everything on the table (or at least I did) and... I think we're still friends. In fact, I think we might even do that sort of thing more in the future...
I don't like being unfaithful to you, Kyoko. You're still my fiancee, the woman I love and cherish above all else in the world. I hope you understand. Gokudera said to find people we trust and are comfortable with here. Maybe some might find it unlikely, but Kyoya is definitely that kind of person I can entrust myself with. You know how he is too, don't you?
Hopefully this turns out well. If we have to do this sort of thing, then I want him to take pleasure from it. It's the least I could do.
Ti adoro, amore mio.
Doing thankfully better,
Tsuna
5/20
My hand is shaking as I write this to you, but don't worry. It's not for anything bad. I probably should consider it so yet I can't.
Reborn is here.
I could almost cry, frankly, I'm so relieved. He's an adult, now, and I'm sure there's a story for how the curse was settled, but it's none of my business. He's here now and he's fine and he's just the same as ever. I couldn't help it, I burst out crying all over his jacket when I saw him. I remember seeing a picture of him when we were going through Shamal's things, but it's really something else entirely to see him in the flesh. He's healthy and well, just as much as a sharp shot as always.
Having him here makes me feel so much more confident. It wasn't as though I was unconfident before. Just...
It's so hard to explain. I'm sure you understand, however.
He told me I succeeded. He told me it all turned out alright. It carries so much more weight when he told me that.
On another note, the ten years younger Kyoya is here now too! I ran into him the other day. He's exactly how he always is, Kyoko, but I managed to inform him of a few things before we got distracted with a fight. I sort of encouraged it, however. Fighting with Kyoya is so nice, different from fighting anyone else. It felt very nostalgic.
There's also Haru! It seems she's also from the time changed by my actions, and she decided to go into the black market for us back home! I'm really worried... You know I never wanted to drag the two of you further into this world than you already were just by knowing me. But I can imagine what you would say to me... "You can't control someone else's choices, so let Haru do what she's decided on and have faith in her", or something, right? So that's what I'll do. When we get our foot properly set into this city, I'm sure that her experience will be invaluable. She's obviously more than capable of protecting herself, but still... Her, and everyone else- I'll protect them all as if I were dying.
It's been such a tiring day, Kyoko.
Tu sei il sole del mio giorno.
Going to rest and yours eternally,
Tsuna
5/23
Last night, Xanxus and I made the announcement.
The reactions were mixed. The younger Gokudera protested, of course, and I could tell my own younger self wasn't happy. I don't think Dino knew how to take it, either. Haru's feelings were a bit harder to gauge... As for Reborn, he seemed to be withholding judgment which just makes me worried for Xanxus frankly, ha ha. Gokudera (the older!) was happy however. I think he's been patiently waiting for a proper announcement instead of me confiding in him.
Things seemed to lighten up a bit more at the jazz club we went to. I'm sure you would have loved it, Kyoko. It was such a fun place to be at, and I got to learn how to swing dance! Xanxus taught me, and then I practiced more with Haru and Gokudera. It'd be nice if, one day, we could all go dancing together, you and me and everyone else.
There's still a lot I'm worried about, more in regards to the others... But I've made my decision. Xanxus and I will prove this isn't a bad thing. For everything else... I'll do my best to talk with everyone.
Ti penso sempre.
Hoping for a fortunate future,
Tsuna
5/25
Apparently some things never change. I received a strange letter today... It really reminds me too much of being back home.
This is so ridiculous. My name doesn't even have any real weight here and I'm still getting weird creepy things?
Ugh.
Xanxus complained about getting one as well, and we compared them. The stationary used for mine is actually really nice. We'd like to find out where to get it, if possible.
Amore ti amo.
Already annoyed about how the day is starting,
Tsuna
5/27
I feel conflicted. Talking to you has always helped make things clearer, so hopefully that holds true now.
This time, I had sex with Gokudera.
It wasn't really something under his control. He's been trying to take on his younger self's debt from Rachel, and she had him go tend to her rosebushes. That's what he's been doing for the past few days. However... it seems that something about it acts as an aphrodisiac. He's been trying to keep it a secret from me, but last night I waited for him at his room and he came over there obviously affected.
I didn't want to just leave him on his own to have to deal with that with no help... So...
My feelings are so mixed right now, Kyoko. In the beginning, when he had first told me to find someone I trusted and was comfortable with to have sex with, my first thought of course had been of with him. He's so important to me, he's done so much and will continue to do so, isn't he the obvious choice? I hadn't wanted to burden him with it.
(I told him all of this, too.)
I'm not happy that this happened because of the Maeve's witchcraft, I wish we could have had it happen in some other way, but... On some level, I think I enjoyed it. He was so sweet, Kyoko, even overtaken like that as he was. You could see him fighting it every step of the way until I pushed, and even then... He could have overtaken me, or demanded more, but the first thing he seemed to do was just kiss me. I was straddling him, forcing his hands to stay in place, and he still just wanted to kiss me when I asked.
...Also I really liked hearing him beg and having him tied up to the headboard.
For all that's happening, I guess at least I'm learning a lot about myself....
Mi mancano i tuoi occhi, luce mia.
Doing well,
Tsuna
P.S. Also I got another strange letter today. I left a reply, but I remain unsure if I'll get a response from someone like that.
5/31