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KHR Rarepair Week, June 14 - Courting
The first person he asks for relationship advice is Julie and, in hindsight, he admits that is perhaps not the greatest idea.
One part of that is because Julie's relationship with women have always been incredibly questionable, but the other part is that Julie tips his glasses down his nose and peers up at him, exclaiming, "Wait, you're getting a crush?"
"Nevermind," Kaoru says, and immediately makes to turn around in an attempt to salvage the situation.
Unfortunately, Pandora's Box can't be shut so easily, and Julie is soon slinging an arm around his waist since his shoulders are too far up out of reach. "Well look at you!" Julie says with maybe a little too much glee, although some of it seems to be genuine delight. He smacks his hand solidly against Kaoru's hip. "At least one of my precious family members is realizing what normal hormones look like! Who's the lucky lady? Or am I not allowed to ask?"
Kaoru almost considers telling him. Ever since the issue against the Vongola, ever since Julie finally was himself again instead of locked away while someone else waltzed around in his body, he knows it's been tough for him. He hides it, obviously, and Kaoru thinks Julie might have always hidden it with a lot of bad habits because, well... It's not like they had anyone else. But now that he's himself, well, maybe it's just Kaoru's imagination, but he thinks Julie has been trying to just find the good in life again. Maybe they were all always trying to do that, but Julie more than ever after who-knows-how-long of not living his own life.
But in the end, it's just too mortifying an idea, and he shakes his head. "It's... not important."
"I mean, I'd think it would be a pretty good idea to know the specifics, so that I could give you more accurate advice, but that's fine, that's fine." With his other hand, Julie pats his arm. "We're in Japan, so this is about a Japanese girl, right? Well, with them, you've gotta be really careful. There's a whole culture here that we don't get, so the best thing to do is - well." He squints up at Kaoru's face, one that has gotten many a cop called on him just for hanging around an area. "I was going to say be confident, but that might scare her off..."
In most cases, that would be a correct assumption. It's just that this isn't most cases. "We know each other," he says quietly.
"What - like you actually speak with each other? Make direct eye contact?" Kaoru doesn't really know about the direct eye contact part, but, the other one, well... He nods, and Julie whistles. "Then there's nothing to worry about! Get all the confidence you've been working on in baseball practice, and go full steam ahead! Oh, hold on - I'll write you all of my best one-liners for you to use. Just pick whichever one you think would work best in the moment!"
And that's how Kaoru ends up with a couple torn out pages from a notebook, all of them crammed with various pick up lines. They are all, frankly, the most cliche and terrible things he's ever read. Which means, of course that he still reads them. You never know, and all that.
Koyo is his next stop, which is clearly a surprise to him judging by the wide eyed stare on his face. As it turns out, surprise does nothing to stop him from blurting out the first answer that comes to his head. "Find the perfect engagement ring and present it to her!" Before Kaoru can say how terrible an idea that is, Koyo is in his face with both of his fists clenched. "It will show your sincerity and you will never have to be doubted on your true feelings! Once you're in love, that's only the next logical step!"
"And.... dating?" Kaoru asks cautiously.
"That is for people who cannot put the full extent of their passionate feelings into action!" Koyo says with all the confidence of someone who has no idea what he's talking about, knows it, and doesn't know how to stop the train. "But as brothers, I am positive that you carry my same passion! It is the passion of Shimon, impossible to beat!"
Well, maybe that's true. Kaoru has told that he has a lot behind his exterior, by his family mainly. Still... There is another problem with jumping straight to engagement. "Koyo, we're poor."
Koyo, as much as he no doubt tries, doesn't have a response to that.
Going to someone with too much experience didn't work for him, and, perhaps to be expected, going to someone with absolutely zero experience was very much the same. So Kaoru tries to go for someone who is instead one of the most reliable people he knows, which is how he ends p speaking to Adelheid one night as she and Raouji are coming back with groceries.
Much like Koyo, her answer is immediately. Also much like Koyo, it does not fill him with a lot of confidence. "Invite them to move a dead body with you," she says, tying an apron around her waist tightly while Raouji recruits him into setting up the table.
Or, well, he was, up until that suggestion. As it is, he just pauses, one hand still holding onto a bowl he was going to place down. "I should invite them to move a dead body?" he echoes helplessly.
It's not that he has any issues against moving a corpse, of course. Kaoru is an experienced young mafia man, even if their Family wasn't really recognized as such for a great many years. He can get rid of a body, or make it exist in its current dead state. It's just, you know... He hadn't thought that would be something one asked a crush out to do.
Adelheid seems to have different ideas, and she clenches a carrot in determination, gesturing with it. "That's right. If they're going to be your lover, then they have to be prepared to get involved in Shimon Family business! What if something happened to the two of you while you were on a date? Getting the cops here involved would just make trouble. Besides-" She smacks the carrot down onto the counter, and readies a knife. "It will be a good icebreaker. Nothing will seem awkward while you're both busy or exhausted from dealing with a dead body. You can ask for a date, or if they're interested in a relationship, that way."
He has to admit, there is almost some sense there. If they're both busy doing something, then, well, it would be harder for him to get wrapped up in his own anxious thoughts that always hold him back no matter what happens. And for the person he's thinking of, it might even almost work. It's just...
Kaoru thinks over it as he helps set up the rest of the table, trying to figure out exactly what bugs him so much about the idea. Fortunately, he manages to nail it while Adelheid is preparing two different pots of rice. "That feels... like I would just be killing someone to help with my romance problems," he says, scratching his cheek. "I don't want to bring problem on everyone's heads for something like this..."
Judging by Adelheid's appreciative look, it's the right thing to say. "Well, if it ever comes up if you need to defend yourself from someone," she says. "Something like that."
That sounds like something that... Well, with the way their lives have gone, he can't say it would take a really long time to happen. It just seems like a really unknown amount of time to wait until that sort of thing happens, and he'd rather get it done before he dies. Or his crush dies. Or a ghost possesses someone again, or time travel happens, or they get abducted by aliens.
Things happen in Namimori.
Shittoppi-chan happens to Namimori on the regular, for example, and her advice when he ponders it aloud in their room is, "Have you tried sending psychic waves?"
He has not, as a matter of fact, and he promptly informs her of this. "I still haven't gotten a handle on it," he tells her, because he's certainly tried. Sometimes, developing psychic powers seems like it would work a lot better in his favor than actually talking with other human beings. "And that would probably be pretty invasive, before a first date."
"A connection through psychic abilities could be a sign that the two of you are meant to be," she suggests, which isn't the weirdest thing that could or has ever happened. Daemon Spade and Mukuro Rokudo looked like they could be an uncle and nephew who both went to the same questionable hairdresser, after all.
So, well, what else can he do but concede into giving it a try?
There is an unbelievably obvious and simple solution that he's not considering, and it seems only fitting that Rauji is the one who gives it to him. "Write a letter," he says simply, and smiles a little when Kaoru says at him. "I mean, you've been stressing over how to connect with this person for the whole month. I think this is probably the least stressful option. You can figure out exactly how you want to word your feelings, and you don't have to be there when your crush reads it. If you feel you can work up the nerve for it, you can even offer to meet them somewhere, like behind the baseball club's place. What do you think?"
He thinks it's honestly the most sensible advice he's gotten for a straight month, and his face goes deep red. "Right," he mumbles, glancing down. "Thanks." Why didn't he think about it before?
When Rauji laughs, it can be either as loud as an earthquake, or a low comfortable rumble that settles right in the gut. It's the latter, this time. "No problem," he says, and he claps one large hand onto Kaoru's shoulder. "This kind of thing would get anyone nervous; it's just hit you more than anybody else. We'll be here for you after, alright? Even Julie, or Shittoppi-chan."
And they are. Kaoru knew that before, when he first approached Julie, and he knows it after, when Enma quietly offers him up some nice little stationary for him to write his letter on - he'd been paying attention to the conversations happening in their household, after all.
So Kaoru writes, and then tosses away that letter, and gives it another try. Shittoppi-chan even does a little ritual for him, so that the Good Vibes will stick to it and give him luck.
Does it work? He has no idea. All he knows is that he finishes it, after a few rewrites, and keeps it tucked away in his bag when he heads to school the next day. At least it's not too hard to slip it into his crush's locker, when all is said and done, during a simple little lunch break. He doesn't even have to worry about anyone snitching on him or what he's doing either; the good thing about his face is that is has a lot of people clear off, just at once glance.
And with that... He goes through his school day, taking notes for an upcoming test. He meets up with the baseball team afterwards, and manages to work himself through a couple of good pitches. And then... He goes to wait behind the club building.
He doesn't have to wait long before there's the sound of footsteps crunching along dirt; his crush doesn't have very far to go. With his hands still tucked away in his pockets, Kaoru glances over in an attempt to beat out the way his heart feels as though it has soundly lodged itself in his throat. For something like this, it's the least he can do, right?
And it's kind of worth it, honestly, because he gets to see the way Takeshi is grinning wide, and how there's a certain skip to his step. "Yo!" he says, waving one hand in the air over his head. The other is tucked into his pocket, where the corner of an envelope can be seen sticking out. "So where should we go for our first date?"
Kaoru laughs, startled and delighted, and, well, that answers that, doesn't it?
Their first date, as it turns out, takes place in an arcade. Takeshi pays for all the rounds he wants to play, on promise that he pays him back by winning him some sort of stuff toy. Kaoru gets two - one for Takeshi, and the other that he leaves behind for Rauji and Enma, a quiet show of gratitude.
One part of that is because Julie's relationship with women have always been incredibly questionable, but the other part is that Julie tips his glasses down his nose and peers up at him, exclaiming, "Wait, you're getting a crush?"
"Nevermind," Kaoru says, and immediately makes to turn around in an attempt to salvage the situation.
Unfortunately, Pandora's Box can't be shut so easily, and Julie is soon slinging an arm around his waist since his shoulders are too far up out of reach. "Well look at you!" Julie says with maybe a little too much glee, although some of it seems to be genuine delight. He smacks his hand solidly against Kaoru's hip. "At least one of my precious family members is realizing what normal hormones look like! Who's the lucky lady? Or am I not allowed to ask?"
Kaoru almost considers telling him. Ever since the issue against the Vongola, ever since Julie finally was himself again instead of locked away while someone else waltzed around in his body, he knows it's been tough for him. He hides it, obviously, and Kaoru thinks Julie might have always hidden it with a lot of bad habits because, well... It's not like they had anyone else. But now that he's himself, well, maybe it's just Kaoru's imagination, but he thinks Julie has been trying to just find the good in life again. Maybe they were all always trying to do that, but Julie more than ever after who-knows-how-long of not living his own life.
But in the end, it's just too mortifying an idea, and he shakes his head. "It's... not important."
"I mean, I'd think it would be a pretty good idea to know the specifics, so that I could give you more accurate advice, but that's fine, that's fine." With his other hand, Julie pats his arm. "We're in Japan, so this is about a Japanese girl, right? Well, with them, you've gotta be really careful. There's a whole culture here that we don't get, so the best thing to do is - well." He squints up at Kaoru's face, one that has gotten many a cop called on him just for hanging around an area. "I was going to say be confident, but that might scare her off..."
In most cases, that would be a correct assumption. It's just that this isn't most cases. "We know each other," he says quietly.
"What - like you actually speak with each other? Make direct eye contact?" Kaoru doesn't really know about the direct eye contact part, but, the other one, well... He nods, and Julie whistles. "Then there's nothing to worry about! Get all the confidence you've been working on in baseball practice, and go full steam ahead! Oh, hold on - I'll write you all of my best one-liners for you to use. Just pick whichever one you think would work best in the moment!"
And that's how Kaoru ends up with a couple torn out pages from a notebook, all of them crammed with various pick up lines. They are all, frankly, the most cliche and terrible things he's ever read. Which means, of course that he still reads them. You never know, and all that.
Koyo is his next stop, which is clearly a surprise to him judging by the wide eyed stare on his face. As it turns out, surprise does nothing to stop him from blurting out the first answer that comes to his head. "Find the perfect engagement ring and present it to her!" Before Kaoru can say how terrible an idea that is, Koyo is in his face with both of his fists clenched. "It will show your sincerity and you will never have to be doubted on your true feelings! Once you're in love, that's only the next logical step!"
"And.... dating?" Kaoru asks cautiously.
"That is for people who cannot put the full extent of their passionate feelings into action!" Koyo says with all the confidence of someone who has no idea what he's talking about, knows it, and doesn't know how to stop the train. "But as brothers, I am positive that you carry my same passion! It is the passion of Shimon, impossible to beat!"
Well, maybe that's true. Kaoru has told that he has a lot behind his exterior, by his family mainly. Still... There is another problem with jumping straight to engagement. "Koyo, we're poor."
Koyo, as much as he no doubt tries, doesn't have a response to that.
Going to someone with too much experience didn't work for him, and, perhaps to be expected, going to someone with absolutely zero experience was very much the same. So Kaoru tries to go for someone who is instead one of the most reliable people he knows, which is how he ends p speaking to Adelheid one night as she and Raouji are coming back with groceries.
Much like Koyo, her answer is immediately. Also much like Koyo, it does not fill him with a lot of confidence. "Invite them to move a dead body with you," she says, tying an apron around her waist tightly while Raouji recruits him into setting up the table.
Or, well, he was, up until that suggestion. As it is, he just pauses, one hand still holding onto a bowl he was going to place down. "I should invite them to move a dead body?" he echoes helplessly.
It's not that he has any issues against moving a corpse, of course. Kaoru is an experienced young mafia man, even if their Family wasn't really recognized as such for a great many years. He can get rid of a body, or make it exist in its current dead state. It's just, you know... He hadn't thought that would be something one asked a crush out to do.
Adelheid seems to have different ideas, and she clenches a carrot in determination, gesturing with it. "That's right. If they're going to be your lover, then they have to be prepared to get involved in Shimon Family business! What if something happened to the two of you while you were on a date? Getting the cops here involved would just make trouble. Besides-" She smacks the carrot down onto the counter, and readies a knife. "It will be a good icebreaker. Nothing will seem awkward while you're both busy or exhausted from dealing with a dead body. You can ask for a date, or if they're interested in a relationship, that way."
He has to admit, there is almost some sense there. If they're both busy doing something, then, well, it would be harder for him to get wrapped up in his own anxious thoughts that always hold him back no matter what happens. And for the person he's thinking of, it might even almost work. It's just...
Kaoru thinks over it as he helps set up the rest of the table, trying to figure out exactly what bugs him so much about the idea. Fortunately, he manages to nail it while Adelheid is preparing two different pots of rice. "That feels... like I would just be killing someone to help with my romance problems," he says, scratching his cheek. "I don't want to bring problem on everyone's heads for something like this..."
Judging by Adelheid's appreciative look, it's the right thing to say. "Well, if it ever comes up if you need to defend yourself from someone," she says. "Something like that."
That sounds like something that... Well, with the way their lives have gone, he can't say it would take a really long time to happen. It just seems like a really unknown amount of time to wait until that sort of thing happens, and he'd rather get it done before he dies. Or his crush dies. Or a ghost possesses someone again, or time travel happens, or they get abducted by aliens.
Things happen in Namimori.
Shittoppi-chan happens to Namimori on the regular, for example, and her advice when he ponders it aloud in their room is, "Have you tried sending psychic waves?"
He has not, as a matter of fact, and he promptly informs her of this. "I still haven't gotten a handle on it," he tells her, because he's certainly tried. Sometimes, developing psychic powers seems like it would work a lot better in his favor than actually talking with other human beings. "And that would probably be pretty invasive, before a first date."
"A connection through psychic abilities could be a sign that the two of you are meant to be," she suggests, which isn't the weirdest thing that could or has ever happened. Daemon Spade and Mukuro Rokudo looked like they could be an uncle and nephew who both went to the same questionable hairdresser, after all.
So, well, what else can he do but concede into giving it a try?
There is an unbelievably obvious and simple solution that he's not considering, and it seems only fitting that Rauji is the one who gives it to him. "Write a letter," he says simply, and smiles a little when Kaoru says at him. "I mean, you've been stressing over how to connect with this person for the whole month. I think this is probably the least stressful option. You can figure out exactly how you want to word your feelings, and you don't have to be there when your crush reads it. If you feel you can work up the nerve for it, you can even offer to meet them somewhere, like behind the baseball club's place. What do you think?"
He thinks it's honestly the most sensible advice he's gotten for a straight month, and his face goes deep red. "Right," he mumbles, glancing down. "Thanks." Why didn't he think about it before?
When Rauji laughs, it can be either as loud as an earthquake, or a low comfortable rumble that settles right in the gut. It's the latter, this time. "No problem," he says, and he claps one large hand onto Kaoru's shoulder. "This kind of thing would get anyone nervous; it's just hit you more than anybody else. We'll be here for you after, alright? Even Julie, or Shittoppi-chan."
And they are. Kaoru knew that before, when he first approached Julie, and he knows it after, when Enma quietly offers him up some nice little stationary for him to write his letter on - he'd been paying attention to the conversations happening in their household, after all.
So Kaoru writes, and then tosses away that letter, and gives it another try. Shittoppi-chan even does a little ritual for him, so that the Good Vibes will stick to it and give him luck.
Does it work? He has no idea. All he knows is that he finishes it, after a few rewrites, and keeps it tucked away in his bag when he heads to school the next day. At least it's not too hard to slip it into his crush's locker, when all is said and done, during a simple little lunch break. He doesn't even have to worry about anyone snitching on him or what he's doing either; the good thing about his face is that is has a lot of people clear off, just at once glance.
And with that... He goes through his school day, taking notes for an upcoming test. He meets up with the baseball team afterwards, and manages to work himself through a couple of good pitches. And then... He goes to wait behind the club building.
He doesn't have to wait long before there's the sound of footsteps crunching along dirt; his crush doesn't have very far to go. With his hands still tucked away in his pockets, Kaoru glances over in an attempt to beat out the way his heart feels as though it has soundly lodged itself in his throat. For something like this, it's the least he can do, right?
And it's kind of worth it, honestly, because he gets to see the way Takeshi is grinning wide, and how there's a certain skip to his step. "Yo!" he says, waving one hand in the air over his head. The other is tucked into his pocket, where the corner of an envelope can be seen sticking out. "So where should we go for our first date?"
Kaoru laughs, startled and delighted, and, well, that answers that, doesn't it?
Their first date, as it turns out, takes place in an arcade. Takeshi pays for all the rounds he wants to play, on promise that he pays him back by winning him some sort of stuff toy. Kaoru gets two - one for Takeshi, and the other that he leaves behind for Rauji and Enma, a quiet show of gratitude.