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yeah i guess it's mermay
With Dimitri, the best approach is one that doesn't let him know what's going on until it's too late, so Sylvain starts the conversation in a totally casually way when he says, "The, uh, cultural differences with our resident seal DILF are kind of fascinating, aren't they?"
Dimitri doesn't look up from the log that he's typing up, brow furrowed as he dutifully writes down the latest updates in just about everything. He's a good, reliable guy that way. Claude and Sylvain, sure, they have all the really super smart stuff, or so they've been told a whole bunch, and Felix has some great ways to think outside the box that are clever in his own way, and Felicity wouldn't be with them all if she wasn't one smart cookie... But Dimitri has smarts of his own. He does science rather like he does cooking: he's not going to be doing anything incredible with his own recipes or anything, needs to do it all strictly by the book, but all that isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's how he picks up on the patterns that should be in place, and why some of their daily stuff is always so on track.
Just a little tricky to make him snap out of it, and Sylvain has to snap his fingers a few times to have Dimitri himself snap out of it. "Oh - yes, it's rather incredible, honestly. I'm glad that we've been able to teach him some simple Fodlish, but that really only goes so far..." As he often does when he's talking with their friendly resident seal, Dimitri starts to slowly smile. "Still, he's so eager to learn about everything. I cannot wait to update my research paper on it all."
"You just want to ask him what his favorite cheese is," Sylvain teases.
"I did the cheese experiment one time, and none of you will ever let me forget it-!"
Sylvain gently shooshes him like he would a frustrated horse. "There there, buddy, I know, I'm just jerking your reins," he tells him. "But you know, I was thinking about stuff that was apparent even before he started to learn Fodlish. Not only just casually touching all of our stuff, but remember how many times he's lounged around with his dick out?"
Dimitri's fingers spasm across the keyboard, and he has to pause for a moment, face going hot. "Yes, I have seen that," he says slowly, pecking at the backspace key to fix whatever typo'd monstrosity that just came out of him. "I suppose it makes sense. Claude would know more about the history of clothing and humans, of course, but our various reasons for wearing clothing are no doubt... somewhat at odds with what would suit Grant and his kind. It's rather hard to swim efficiently if you have to take into account drag resistance."
"Yup," Sylvain says, letting that p really pop against his lips. "But still, just a whole dick, hanging out like that... I don't think he even really got the idea that this would be an awkward thing to be around until you and Felix got so surprised about it."
His internal SUCCESS bar starts to fill up when Dimitri leans away from the computer with a groan, raking his fingers through his hair. "I know! I know it was terribly unprofessional of me, and boorish as well. I have seen animal genitalia before, especially that of seals. Certainly that comparison is far closer than it would be to any human. It should have been no grand surprise to me. And yet I reacted so terribly!"
All Dimitri did was stare, forget what piece of equipment he was going to get readings on, and nearly dropped a heavy case on his foot when Felix came out and started yelling. But it wouldn't be Dimitri if he didn't judge himself overly harshly for the smallest of perceived mistakes.
Playing along with that kind of thing doesn't really do anyone any good (and Sylvain knows that when he does it, Felix yells at him). "Hey, it's fine," Sylvain says reassuringly. "Besides, the thing was bigger than your bicep, which is no small feat. Who wouldn't stare, and wonder if maybe they could get that in them?"
Slowly, Dimitri starts to nod. "Yes, I suppose you are right. It's only natural to-" Aaaaaand then the sentence actually penetrates through his skull, and Dimitri freezes. Slowly, he turns his head to look at Sylvain with one wide blue eye underneath frazzled brows. Sylvain blinks at him innocently. "...Sylvain."
It's better to go on the offensive for these sort of talks, so Sylvain bullrushes forward with, "I think we could probably get decent consent from a giant seal man now, don't you?"
"Sylvain!"
"Hey, don't give me that tone, you've been thinking about it too!" Sylvain protests, before he pauses. "Or, well, actually, maybe not. You've probably been fantasizing about what a romantic dinner with a ten foot seal-man would look like." Dimitri is ever so proper, honestly. He can't just take someone to bed, no. He has to wine and dine someone, remember when their birthday is, that kind of thing. It's one of his strongest appeals, and why Sylvain has maybe had more than one wet dream on what it would be like to have Dimitri's lips on the back of his hand before his teeth would be in his throat and his cock in his hole.
Dimitri does that to a lot of men, whether he realizes it or not, and it's kind of a problem, honestly.
Dimitri is also flushing a brilliant red, and sputters trying to find some sort of response. "I - that's - Sylvain!"
"That's my name, don't wear it out."
"That sort of thing is - it's -" Dimitri has to stand up, unable to roll away from the desk properly. Ship chairs and all that. "I think that's unethical!"
Sylvain tilts his head to the side and spreads his hands. "Not if you get consent," he reminds Dimitri.
That's the sticking point, and he can tell by the way Dimitri awkwardly crosses his arms in a way that's more like he's trying to keep it together instead of look intimidating. "We don't know about the potential STDs..."
"After all those tests you got his permission to do so that you could make sure he was in healthy condition? I have a hard time believing that's a real actual concern, Mitya."
Nicknames get Dimitri. They always have. He wavers in place, a lot of very conflicting emotions playing through him all at once in a great big rush. Sylvain can tell because Dimitri has always been the most open person he's ever known; expensive televisions don't play images this clearly. "It..." Dimitri pauses, wets his lips. Looks like he's going to die. "It would not fit."
Dammit. That's the one thing that Sylvain actually has to pause at himself. "I mean, it could," he says. "I've seen the dildos on Bad Dragon. They can get pretty hefty."
"Bad- no." Dimitri squeezes his eye shut. "I shall not ask. I refuse to ask."
"It's a sex toy web site that focuses on non-human dicks."
"I was not asking, Sylvain!"
"Listen, you never know for certain unless you try," Sylvain says, forging ahead before they can get sidetracked. "I want to, I know you want to, and we can probably bet pretty easy money on Claude wanting to. I've seen how Grant looks at you, he probably wants to give it a shot as well."
Dimitri blinks and straightens up, outrage momentarily forgotten in favor of his interest. "He's been looking at me in a particular way...?"
It's cute how oblivious Dimitri can get about obvious little things like that. Sylvain smiles a little bit, without really meaning to. "Of course he does. Especially when you get all excited about some new data, or are trying to show him how to use something. I'm pretty sure he thinks it's endearing." His smile turns teasing and sly. "So that's why we should absolutely see if we can stuff that bad boy in us."
Glancing away, Dimitri shifts awkwardly in place. His arms are still crossed, and Sylvain is sure this is a bust... "We don't have lube," Dimitri mutters.
A thrill burns through Sylvain, because Dimitri! Talking about sex things! The Success Bar is burning bright green... and then he takes in the actual words. Sylvain squints his eyes shut in a grimace.
"Fuck, we don't have lube."
Dimitri doesn't look up from the log that he's typing up, brow furrowed as he dutifully writes down the latest updates in just about everything. He's a good, reliable guy that way. Claude and Sylvain, sure, they have all the really super smart stuff, or so they've been told a whole bunch, and Felix has some great ways to think outside the box that are clever in his own way, and Felicity wouldn't be with them all if she wasn't one smart cookie... But Dimitri has smarts of his own. He does science rather like he does cooking: he's not going to be doing anything incredible with his own recipes or anything, needs to do it all strictly by the book, but all that isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's how he picks up on the patterns that should be in place, and why some of their daily stuff is always so on track.
Just a little tricky to make him snap out of it, and Sylvain has to snap his fingers a few times to have Dimitri himself snap out of it. "Oh - yes, it's rather incredible, honestly. I'm glad that we've been able to teach him some simple Fodlish, but that really only goes so far..." As he often does when he's talking with their friendly resident seal, Dimitri starts to slowly smile. "Still, he's so eager to learn about everything. I cannot wait to update my research paper on it all."
"You just want to ask him what his favorite cheese is," Sylvain teases.
"I did the cheese experiment one time, and none of you will ever let me forget it-!"
Sylvain gently shooshes him like he would a frustrated horse. "There there, buddy, I know, I'm just jerking your reins," he tells him. "But you know, I was thinking about stuff that was apparent even before he started to learn Fodlish. Not only just casually touching all of our stuff, but remember how many times he's lounged around with his dick out?"
Dimitri's fingers spasm across the keyboard, and he has to pause for a moment, face going hot. "Yes, I have seen that," he says slowly, pecking at the backspace key to fix whatever typo'd monstrosity that just came out of him. "I suppose it makes sense. Claude would know more about the history of clothing and humans, of course, but our various reasons for wearing clothing are no doubt... somewhat at odds with what would suit Grant and his kind. It's rather hard to swim efficiently if you have to take into account drag resistance."
"Yup," Sylvain says, letting that p really pop against his lips. "But still, just a whole dick, hanging out like that... I don't think he even really got the idea that this would be an awkward thing to be around until you and Felix got so surprised about it."
His internal SUCCESS bar starts to fill up when Dimitri leans away from the computer with a groan, raking his fingers through his hair. "I know! I know it was terribly unprofessional of me, and boorish as well. I have seen animal genitalia before, especially that of seals. Certainly that comparison is far closer than it would be to any human. It should have been no grand surprise to me. And yet I reacted so terribly!"
All Dimitri did was stare, forget what piece of equipment he was going to get readings on, and nearly dropped a heavy case on his foot when Felix came out and started yelling. But it wouldn't be Dimitri if he didn't judge himself overly harshly for the smallest of perceived mistakes.
Playing along with that kind of thing doesn't really do anyone any good (and Sylvain knows that when he does it, Felix yells at him). "Hey, it's fine," Sylvain says reassuringly. "Besides, the thing was bigger than your bicep, which is no small feat. Who wouldn't stare, and wonder if maybe they could get that in them?"
Slowly, Dimitri starts to nod. "Yes, I suppose you are right. It's only natural to-" Aaaaaand then the sentence actually penetrates through his skull, and Dimitri freezes. Slowly, he turns his head to look at Sylvain with one wide blue eye underneath frazzled brows. Sylvain blinks at him innocently. "...Sylvain."
It's better to go on the offensive for these sort of talks, so Sylvain bullrushes forward with, "I think we could probably get decent consent from a giant seal man now, don't you?"
"Sylvain!"
"Hey, don't give me that tone, you've been thinking about it too!" Sylvain protests, before he pauses. "Or, well, actually, maybe not. You've probably been fantasizing about what a romantic dinner with a ten foot seal-man would look like." Dimitri is ever so proper, honestly. He can't just take someone to bed, no. He has to wine and dine someone, remember when their birthday is, that kind of thing. It's one of his strongest appeals, and why Sylvain has maybe had more than one wet dream on what it would be like to have Dimitri's lips on the back of his hand before his teeth would be in his throat and his cock in his hole.
Dimitri does that to a lot of men, whether he realizes it or not, and it's kind of a problem, honestly.
Dimitri is also flushing a brilliant red, and sputters trying to find some sort of response. "I - that's - Sylvain!"
"That's my name, don't wear it out."
"That sort of thing is - it's -" Dimitri has to stand up, unable to roll away from the desk properly. Ship chairs and all that. "I think that's unethical!"
Sylvain tilts his head to the side and spreads his hands. "Not if you get consent," he reminds Dimitri.
That's the sticking point, and he can tell by the way Dimitri awkwardly crosses his arms in a way that's more like he's trying to keep it together instead of look intimidating. "We don't know about the potential STDs..."
"After all those tests you got his permission to do so that you could make sure he was in healthy condition? I have a hard time believing that's a real actual concern, Mitya."
Nicknames get Dimitri. They always have. He wavers in place, a lot of very conflicting emotions playing through him all at once in a great big rush. Sylvain can tell because Dimitri has always been the most open person he's ever known; expensive televisions don't play images this clearly. "It..." Dimitri pauses, wets his lips. Looks like he's going to die. "It would not fit."
Dammit. That's the one thing that Sylvain actually has to pause at himself. "I mean, it could," he says. "I've seen the dildos on Bad Dragon. They can get pretty hefty."
"Bad- no." Dimitri squeezes his eye shut. "I shall not ask. I refuse to ask."
"It's a sex toy web site that focuses on non-human dicks."
"I was not asking, Sylvain!"
"Listen, you never know for certain unless you try," Sylvain says, forging ahead before they can get sidetracked. "I want to, I know you want to, and we can probably bet pretty easy money on Claude wanting to. I've seen how Grant looks at you, he probably wants to give it a shot as well."
Dimitri blinks and straightens up, outrage momentarily forgotten in favor of his interest. "He's been looking at me in a particular way...?"
It's cute how oblivious Dimitri can get about obvious little things like that. Sylvain smiles a little bit, without really meaning to. "Of course he does. Especially when you get all excited about some new data, or are trying to show him how to use something. I'm pretty sure he thinks it's endearing." His smile turns teasing and sly. "So that's why we should absolutely see if we can stuff that bad boy in us."
Glancing away, Dimitri shifts awkwardly in place. His arms are still crossed, and Sylvain is sure this is a bust... "We don't have lube," Dimitri mutters.
A thrill burns through Sylvain, because Dimitri! Talking about sex things! The Success Bar is burning bright green... and then he takes in the actual words. Sylvain squints his eyes shut in a grimace.
"Fuck, we don't have lube."